Lettre de présentation en anglais

Bonsoir,
Je devais écrire une lettre en anglais pour pouvoir être accueillie dans une famille en Angleterre mais j'ai sans doute quelques fautes...
Est-il possible d'avoir un avis?

Dear family,


My name is Céline, I am 20 and I live in N. which is a big city situated on the west coast of France. I lived in a small apartment alone because I moved to it for my studies. Last year, I obtained my Economics and Social Science baccalaureate with honours and at present I study in intensive foundation degree to sit an exam to integrate a business school next year among around thirty school in France.

In my spare time, I practise sport in a fitness room. I cycle in particular and I go to the swimming pool. During the weekend or the holidays, I go to see football matches with my big brother to support the team of Nantes and I also like visiting castles to discover the French heritage. I also like going out to have a drink with my friends and to go to the movie.

I baby-sit since five years and I already took care of six children. I baby-sit in particular several times four girls that I saw being born and growing up because I know their parent for 12 years. So, my experience with the children is rather rich because I gave to them to eat, I washed them, I helped them in the homework. I like in particular board games, creative leisure activities and to go to the swimming pool with the children. The children appreciate me because I like playing with them but me also teaches them the things of the life which they do not still know.

To describe me, I would say that I am a intentive, serious and punctual person. I gain in particular in maturity since I live alone in my apartment. Indeed, I have to cook every evening and weekends, I do the housework in my small apartment and I wash my dirty linen. All this requires an organized daily work but I never lose my motivation. I am also a rather curious person because I like discovering new places and knowing new people. Leave two months abroad motivates me enormously because I never went out of my country. So ,this experience will enrich me at the discovery, cultural and social level and will be a help to improve my accent and my level of English.

My name is Céline, I am 20 and I live in N. which is a big city located on the west coast of France. I lived in a small apartment alone as I had to moved there for my studies. Last year, I obtained my Economic and Social Science baccalaureate with honours and now, I study in an intensive foundation degree to sit an exam to integrate a business school next year among around thirty school in France.

In my spare time, I practise sport in a fitness room. I cycle in particular and I go to the swimming pool. During the weekend or the holidays, I go to see football matches with my big brother to support the team of Nantes and I also like visiting castles to discover the French heritage. I also like going out to have a drink with my friends and to go to the cinema. (?)

I baby-sit since I'm five and I already took care of six children. I baby-sit in particular several times four girls that I saw being born and growing up because I know their parent for 12 years. So, my experience with the children is rather rich because I gave them to eat, I washed them, I helped them doing their homeworks. I like particularly board games, creative leisure activities and to go to the swimming pool with the children. The children appreciate me because I like playing with them but I also teach them some life tips they don't know yet.

To describe me, I would say that I am a intentive, serious and a punctual person. I gained in maturity since I've lived alone in my apartment. Indeed, I have to cook every evening and weekends, I do the housework in my small apartment and I wash my dirty linen (?). All of this requires an organized daily work but I never lose my motivation. I am also a rather curious person because I like discovering new places and knowing new people. Living two months abroad motivates me enormously because I never went out of my country. So ,this experience will enrich me at a cultural and social level and will be a help to improve my accent and my English level.

"My name is Céline, I am 20 and I live in N. which is a big city located on the west coast of France. I live in a small apartment alone as I had to move there for my studies. Last year, I obtained my Economic and Social Science baccalaureate with honours and now, I study in an intensive foundation degree to sit an exam to integrate one of thirty business schools in France.

In my spare time, I go to the gym to exercise. I mostly cycle and  go to the swimming pool. During the weekend or the holidays, I go see football games with my big brother to support the Nantes team and I also like visiting castles to discover the French heritage. I also like going out to have a drink with my friends and  going to the cinema.

I've been baby-sitting for five years and I have already taken care of six children. I mostly baby-sit four girls that I've known since they were born, because I've known their parents for 12 years. My experience with those children is rather extensive since I have fed them, washed them and  helped them in doing their homework. I particularly enjoy board games, creative leisure activities and going to the swimming pool with the children. They appreciate me because I like playing with them, but I also teach them some life tips they don't know yet.

To describe myself, I would say that I am an intentive, serious and punctual person. I have gained in maturity since I started living alone in my apartment. Indeed, I have to cook every evening and in the weekends, I do the housework in my small apartment and I wash my own laundry. All of this requires organized daily work, but I never lose my motivation. I am also a rather curious person, because I like discovering new places and  getting to know new people. Living two months abroad motivates me enormously because I have never left my country before. Therefore, this experience will enrich me at a cultural and social level and will help improve both my accent and my English level."

Bon j'ai fait ça rapidos, mais je pense avoir corrigé toutes tes fautes de grammaire. J'ai l'impression que tu es un peu fâchée avec le present perfect, mais c'est le cas de beaucoup de français et ça s'arrangera sûrement pendant ton séjour .

Aussi, n'oublie pas de te présenter dans la section adaptée avant de poster!